


Nothing Is Okay

by PillowBacon



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PillowBacon/pseuds/PillowBacon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt time: Either Tony or Steve can't keep it up and the team hears them</p><p>This is crack. There is nothing serious about this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Is Okay

"No, okay, we made a deal, Thor. You got the last of the Pizza _Bagels_ , so I get the Pizza _Pockets_." groused Clint, tugging on the box, "You don't get to eat everything because you're a norse fucking god."

"Nay," grinned Thor, "I merely get the best things."

Thor gave a tug on the box and Clint's grip slipped.

"You're such a futzing-" Clint glared at Thor, "Thor's a big baby princess!" he grinned, before he began belting out, "Thor's a big baby princess, fighting puny mortals for his food, Hulk is crazy stronger, and Thor is really ruuuuudddeee!"

Thor glared at him, "Have your Pizza Pockets, you buffoon. I'm obviously stronger than the Hulk."

Clint grinned snatching the box, "In your dreams, Princess."

"You have a great singing voice, Clint." hummed Bruce as he headed to the stove. "Thor stop enforcing ideas that you can't be strong and be a big baby princess. Own it."

Thor grunted and left.

"You keep raining compliments on me and I swear I might take you out for dinner." grinned Clint.

"Ew, Clint, I watched you eat the stuff in between your toes because Tony got you to believe that it had magical healing abilities." muttered Bruce, "I wouldn't go to dinner with you if you looked like Laverne Cox."

Clint raised an eyebrow as he put his Pizza Pockets in the microwave.

"You're right. I would." muttered Bruce, pouring himself a mug of tea, "But Laverne Cox is a goddess and you know it. You're...you."

"The fuck does that mean?"

Sam answered as he grabbed for the cereal on top of the fridge. "'Means, you, Barton, are a hick. You are pure white trash and that is why we all love you and your stupid name."

Clint took a cheerio from Sam's bowl and flicked it at his forehead, "I don't have to take this," he declared, taking his pizza pockets from the microwave, "Fuck all of you, except Bruce apparently 'cause I'm not good enough for his refined tastes!"

Bruce rolled his eyes, "This is why I'm a scientist, my experiments don't talk back to me,"

"What about that sentient being you and Tony made that thinks smacking peoples butts is a formal ritual between people to display friendship?" questioned Sam.

"Okay, first don't blame me for that, you know Natasha convinced him about that, secondly, Helen Cho, Thor, and Ultron all had a part to play in making Vision. Not just me. Also, I just think you can't accept some perfectly fine ass grabbing."

Clint decided to leave before anymore ass-grabbing conversations happened.

So, with his victory pizza rolls he went to go find somewhere safe from Thor. Thor was evil. Stealing a man's pizza pockets is something only devil's do. Even Loki wouldn't stoop so low.

"It's not happening. Sorry."

Clint frowned, turning back to the door he'd just passed.

"What do you mean it's not happening?"

"Steve, baby, I mean it's not happening."

Oh my god. Clint felt a grin pull at the corners of his mouth. _OH MY GOD_.

"Like, you don't want to or you can't?"

"Yes, because I don't want to have sex with you Steve. Why would I ever want to have sex with you? just because you're well built and pretty."

"Tony, don't be angry-"

"I can't get a fucking boner, Steve, course I'm gonna be angry."

"We'll figure it out."

Clint spun around in the hall, looking for anyone. He couldn't be the only one to enjoy this. That would be unfair to everyone in the tower.

He beamed at Bucky, waving him over. Bucky was, as usual, shirtless. He had a weird thing about shirts lately. In a pair of sweatpants with his hair in a ponytail.

Clint held a finger to his mouth and gestured to the door.

Bucky frowned, scrunching his eyebrows before leaning towards the door.

"Babe, come on, don't- _Tony_."

"Nope, I'm gonna go and jump off the fucking tower-"

"Tony,"

"I can't get a boner, Steve, that is not okay."

Clint watched Bucky's face contort from confusion and it's usual 'I'm a trained assassin and I can kill you with the air around you' to pure joy.

"It's fine, come on we'll cuddle."

"You're lucky you have great boobs, you asshole."

For a moment it seemed like nothing was going to happen.

"Penises look so weird,"

"Oh, my God Steve."

Clint pulled his phone from his pocket shooting a text for Nat to get her ass here now.

"I'm being serious, Penises look weird. Why are guys so proud of them, who cares how big it is? it looks like a muppets reject."

"What penises have you seen that look like muppets rejects? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"What? no. I'm just saying," Clint burried his face in Bucky's shoulder, both of them physically shaking with laughter. "Penises look weird."

"No. I can't do this. You're so weird I, swear, I'm going to the workshop."

"No babe, I'm kidding. I promise that your penis doesn't look like a muppets reject."

"I hate you."

There was a pause. Most likely intense making out. Then it happened.

"Hi-hoh, Kermit the Frog here."

THWACK.

"Steve Rogers I'm gonna fucking kill-"

" _I believe I can fly_ -" Clint gasped, grabbing at his phone to turn it off-shut up shut up!- " _I believe I can touch the sky_!"

Clint managed to turn off his phone. Bucky staring at him wide eyed when the door burst open. Steve glaring at them. Wearing pants, thank god.

"Clint did it!" Bucky shoved Clint, sending the Pizza Pockets flying.

They exploded on Steve's fucking washboard abs because God hates good people.

"Oh my god," whispered Clint.

"This is great, " cackled Bucky.

"I'm going to kill you." snapped Steve.

Clint screamed. It wasn't difficult to admit. Steve was terrifying even shirtless and covered in pizza pocket sauce. Clint Barton screamed and made a tactical retreat with Bucky on his tail. Heading for the defense of the kitchen.

At some point Tasha, Vision and Wanda, entered the kitchen, they froze and blinked as they watched the group.

Clint on top of the fridge, screaming, his foot in Steve's face in a desperate attempt to keep Steve the fuck aways while Bucky clung to Steve's leg belting the Pledge of Allegiance. Tony was sat on the counter drinking coffee, he gave them a small wave.

"Americans are weird." muttered Wanda.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So someone left this prompt on my last fic, and I thought it was incredible. So I'm writing it. They were a guest so I have no idea who it was but this is for you mysterious figure leaving prompts. (I didn't realize the team was supposed to hear them and I only realized after I'd written it, so I'd just written Clint and Bucky, sorry Bae)


End file.
